Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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