VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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