Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
