I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
