i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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