Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
