apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
