how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
