sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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