We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
