it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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