he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
