My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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