He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm at about main and main street
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
