i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
