I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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