I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
