the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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