Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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