shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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