hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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