nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
