i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
