My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
