You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
