I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
