yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
