god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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