i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
