im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
