Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
