Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
