it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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