I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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