Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
