I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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