Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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