I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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