i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
