Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
