I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
