we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
