Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
