Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Grow some girl-balls and come out already

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  (703): Grow some girl-balls and come out already http://tfl.nu/dlf5
  Replies (8) Good night (3238) Bad night (808)
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  (914): View more from New York

  he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.

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  (914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped. http://tfl.nu/0vpq
  Replies (5) Good night (3622) Bad night (577)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (795) Bad night (3415)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.

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  (479): he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that. http://tfl.nu/u07t
  Replies (65) Good night (725) Bad night (4204)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (7320) Bad night (1107)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know

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  (785): One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know http://tfl.nu/bbwr
  Replies (14) Good night (1903) Bad night (3337)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

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  (559): Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out. http://tfl.nu/isge
  Replies (7) Good night (2885) Bad night (950)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

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  (313): My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar http://tfl.nu/fy9n
  Replies (6) Good night (3314) Bad night (799)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again

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  (401): I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again http://tfl.nu/o3kd
  Replies (14) Good night (2255) Bad night (812)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.

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  (315): Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back. http://tfl.nu/li4v
  Replies (2) Good night (1049) Bad night (521)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.

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  (713): Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you. http://tfl.nu/5z0x
  Replies (5) Good night (972) Bad night (551)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.

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  (719): I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room. http://tfl.nu/d9w2
  Replies (6) Good night (1920) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  How high are you exactly

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  (443): Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis (828): How high are you exactly http://tfl.nu/wb80
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.

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  (540): I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober. http://tfl.nu/w9j5
  Replies (1) Good night (829) Bad night (365)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket

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  (940): On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket http://tfl.nu/seng
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (268)

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