Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
