so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
