can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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