I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge