fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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