i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
