Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
