The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
