So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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