Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
