so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize