My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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