oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
