Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
