He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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