too bad you live with your parents still
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
