nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
