Having a random hookup so left but love u
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
