I heard we made out
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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