does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
