dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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