textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
