Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
