So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
