considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
