I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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