either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
