He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
