hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
