All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
