then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
