pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
