in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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